There are a few stores that I go to where they know me, or I am just grabbing 1 thing. In cases like that, I just grab my debit Mastercard out of my purse, leave my purse in the car and run in to the store. On Saturday, I wanted to buy a bottle of wine at my “regular” store and did just that

Cashier: Debit or Credit?

Me: It doesn’t matter! (note: because it doesn’t – my bank is awesome)

(rings it through as credit, I sign the computer pad)

Cashier: I’m sorry – I’m going to need to see some ID

Me: My purse is in the car – I don’t have it on me. Why do you need to see my ID anyway?

Cashier: Because the signature you just gave me doesn’t match the one on your credit card.

Me: Of course it does!

Cashier: I’m not going to be able to accept this without ID (holds my credit card up to his computer screen where the signature I entered is displayed). The signatures aren’t even close

Me: Ummm – you might want to try not holding my credit card upside down.

On the plus side, at least I was ALREADY buying wine!

So today started out like any normal morning….I got up at 6:30am, hopped in the shower, got the kids up, begged them 18 times to brush their teeth, explained to my 5-year old why the orange shirt and purple pants that she wanted to wear wasn’t a good idea, and generally counted down the minutes until I could shove gently push them with love on to the school bus.

And then I got a look at Thomas’ shoes.

Imagine a pair of Skechers, where the bottom of the shoe is pretty much held on by about 3″ of the remaining attached rubber/leather. I don’t know what boys DO to their shoes, but one minute they are fine, and the next minute you need to LEAVE the house so that you don’t miss the bus and get stuck in the drop-off line at school….and you are considering duct-taping your childrens shoes just to get them through the day!

However, this happened to be a day that I knew I had to be at school at 9:30am for an event for his grade (Colonial Expo). Leaving at 9:00am gave me plenty of time to drive to Target, run in, grab ANY pair of “emergency shoes” in his size (I honestly didn’t think they would last the day) and get to school.

And then I saw this:

It gets worse - Nordstrom has an entire page of $200 jeans like this!

For the Love Of All That Is Good And Holy In This World – NO!  Just…..NO!

Let me tell you something…I spent the 80s in high school.  I once set off an airport metal detector because I had so many “stackable bangles” on my wrist that my grandfather laughingly told that story until the day he died.

There are so many 80s trends in fashion that are coming back.  Can we all agree that skin-tight flowered/striped/animal-print denim needs to STAY in the 80s?

Although if Reebok wants to bring back the lemon-yellow high-tops that I can wear with my socks-that-match-my-sweater-over-my-black-leggings….that would be cool!

background: for 6 days, I have been having problems with Moms Need To Know just NOT working. The site was going down several times per day and all the replies to my emails to tech support were in “Computer Tech/Geek Speak”, not English. Seriously – if you got an email saying “The logs are generating premature script headers and null php handlers for result codes”…where do you GO from there?

Note: It’s 1:00am and I am calling tech support because the site is down and I HAVE HAD IT!

Me:  Hi – my site is down for about the 50th time in the last 6 days.  I have been emailing back and forth with tech support and today they told me to install Litespeed for an additional $20/month…and 4 hours later, my site is down again!

(insert 10 minutes of “have you tried this”, “yes I have that plugin”, etc)

Them:  Oh – it DOES look like there is a problem with your server.  I am going to immediately get someone on it to fix the issue!  Moving you to a new server requires opening a formal process.  Do you want to do that?

Me:  If you honestly think that you can fix it, fine – you have 12 hours for me to NOT get another report that my site is down before I do that.  Because frankly, I have been going down 5-10 times a day and I am not really enjoying it.

Them: (giggles)

Me: ok – let me rephrase that….

(side note:  they fixed the problem!)

The scene: after dinner, Brad is cleaning up and loading the dishwasher, I am helping to clear the table and generally cleaning up the kitchen for the night

Me: hon’ – these need to be rinsed a bit more before they go in the dishwasher

Brad: the dishwasher will get them clean!

Me: we don’t have a garbage disposal feature in our dishwasher like your parents and my sister…the dishwasher doesn’t get them clean – it just makes them hot!

Brad: Fine – I will rinse them. Are you going to rearrange all the dishes in the dishwasher while I do it?

Me: Well, I am just trying to get the plastic stuff off the bottom rack. We now have no Tupperware pitchers left because you put them on the bottom rack and they melted.

Brad: that had nothing to do with them being on the bottom rack! And why are you completely rearranging the entire dishwasher?

Me: Because you can’t pack dishes in so close that the water can’t even get in between the dishes.

Brad: Fine! From now on, you can load the dishwasher!  I’m done!

Me: awesome….meet you here tomorrow night…same time…same argument?

Brad: It’s a date!

(Note: I understand that I am very lucky to have a husband that will load the dishwasher…or so I am told….I kinda believe it is a part of the equitable distribution of work in a family and wouldn’t be married to a man who WOULDN’T load the dishwasher…but for those of you who are about to tell me that I am just lucky to have a husband who will do the dishes…there ya go!)

The scene: Jonathan has just come home from school

Jonathan: MOM! Guess what!? Another mom knows about your site!

Me: What are you talking about hon’?

Jonathan: Well, X’s mom was the Mystery Reader in school today and I told her about your website and she said she already knew!

Me: (torn between wanting to hug him and wanting to tell him to stop being my pimp)

Jonathan: and guess what? All my teachers know about your website too!

Me: Jonathan – I know you are proud of me, but maybe school isn’t really the best place to be telling everyone about me and my website

Jonathan: But MOM! They are moms and you are Moms Need To Know. They NEED to know!

Me: (heart.melt)

Jonathan:  Mom…did they have cubbies and school buses and magic markers and electricty when you were in school?

Me: JONATHAN!  It’s not like I went to school in the Pioneer Days!

Jonathan:  I know – not that long ago….I mean like…the 1990s!

The scene: A bathroom

The props: orange handled Fiskars scissors on the counter…about 18 locks of beautiful blonde curly hair on the floor.  A 5-year old with brand new bangs standing in front of me.

Me: Elizabeth! What did you do?

Elizabeth: Nothing!

Me: Why did you cut your hair???

Elizabeth: I DIDN’T Mommy!

Me: Elizabeth, if you thought your hair was too long, I would have taken you for a haircut!

Elizabeth: But MOOOOOOOOM! I didn’t cut my hair!

Me: Then where did all this hair come from?

Elizabeth: I think it just fell off!