First, can I say that I had to Google the word "fiery" to make sure it was spelled right? Doesn't it make sense that it would be spelled "firey"? I guess that is just Merriam-Webster's way of keeping us all on our toes!
Anyway...
It's Spring and the weather is beautiful. Of course, that can mean only one thing: the return of JeepBitch and BMWBitch! And who are these new characters to my offline saga? Well, they aren't new people at all...it's just that I didn't start this blog until November and, like a sleeping <animal that is really mean and deserves a horrible death and hibernates>, I don't get the thrill of dealing with them until the kids start playing outside.
Remember the names - you'll probably be hearing about them until it gets cold again!
Our development is only 13 years old. When they built it, they placed approximately 250 single homes in the front and another 150 homes, in the form of townhouses, in the back. The townhomes even have their own access road which is clearly marked. Oh yeah- and our streets are privately owned and unless you live on our street, there is no logical reason for there to be any other cars on our street.
Unfortunately for me, my road runs between the main road and the access road and many of the townhome people like to use our road as a cut-through. Despite numerous reminders from the HomeOwnersAssociation that they shouldn't use our road as a cut-through, many continue to do so at twice the posted speed limit of 15mph. Additionally, if one were to observe the posted speed limit on our street, it would actually take LONGER to get to the townhomes....it's not really a shortcut at all.
So what's the problem (aside from the fact that your eyes have likely glazed over from all that backstory?). The problem is that our neighborhood is chock-full of young children (most 2nd-graders or younger) and now that the weather is nice, the kids are playing in the street...riding bikes, electric cars, playing with chalk. We pretty much play in the dead-center of the street, right in front of BestFriendMommy's house. This allows us plenty of time to see any cars and get the kids on the curb.
Except when they are speeding....then we have some fun with them.
JeepBitch and BMWBitch are a mother-daughter team. Both of them have decided to speed down our street doing AT LEAST 25 mph.
Every day.
Several times per day.
While yelling "get your goddamn kids out of the street!"
Classy chicks, no?
So yesterday, PerfectCatholicMommy decided that we were not going to go through yet another summer of this....and stepped in front of her JeepBitch's car, stopping her. And here was her conversation
JeepBitch (JB): Get out of my fucking way
PerfectCatholicMommy(PCM): I just wanted to let you know that you are going WAY over the speed limit for this street and aside from that, the HomeOwnersAssociation has specifically asked that people not use this street as a cut-through
JB: I live on this street! And anyway - they are public streets! I can go anywhere I want
PCM: I've lived on this street for 12 years and know very well that you live in the townhomes. You know that every day there will be kids playing in the street, forcing you to slow down and take even longer to get home. Why would you keep doing it every day, if not to pick a fight? Oh- and they aren't public, they are private streets and you've been asked to not use them.
JB: Just keep your fucking kids out of the streets - they should play in the back yards.
PCM: yeah- because bikes, jeeps and chalk work just SO well on the grass
(JeepBitch zooms off, smashing chalk wherever she goes)
So we've got our solution narrowed down to a few choices. Should we
- In the spirit of Wile E Coyote, spread nails on the street for JeepBitch and her mom
- Refuse to move or just take our sweet ol' time getting out of the street when we see them coming
- Continue to engage her and vent our frustrations at having to watch DoodleBops on her
- Erect a sign telling the "townhome people" to stop using our road. Sure, it might not have the desired effect and would piss off the HOA, but I could make a really pretty one with glitter!
What say you, Internets?
Emily
I suggest really taking a long time to leave the road when they approach... a reeeeeelly long time. If it's a private road what can they do? Johnnie Law has bigger fish to fry, and will have no problem telling the B's so!
I love passive-agressive resistance!
Oh - but a glitter sign would be pretty!! Do post a pic as I'm sure the HOA will make sure it's short-lived.
I wish I could think of a good way to slow down the leadfoots on my daughter's school's block! I go 15 mph, and I often get passed. Sometimes while I stop for the stop sign (school crossing!) they'll just floor it around me, blowing through the stop. The city put down zebras, a flashing light and a "You are going THIS fast" sign. I think that's been viewed mostly as a challenge. Sigh
So, I wish you luck so I can share your success vicariously 😉
jenefur
#5 Get out your Red Rider Bee Bee gun and shoot JeepBitch's eye out.
jenefur
OR... get some of those mean looking speedbumps put in every few houses. They did that by a school where I grew up (which is actually a regular street) and I avoid that street at all costs!
jenefur
OR do a Citizen's Arrest on her! Hmph! Can you get a list of witnesses and days/times she does this and submit it to the local PD and they can send her a warning letter? Or if you know the times she does this have a cop sit wait for her?
Randomability
How about all of the above??
Also, if they come through at approx. the same time every day, request an officer in an unmarked truck to observe.
Darla
#2 and #4
HP
Start with glitter sign. Continue venting frustration at them. Raise stink at HOA, suggesting that money be used to make speed bumps. Then, talk to the local authorities about observing those two bitches.
4me
I think PCM and all else should join hands and make a line across the road like you were all going to play, Red Rover, Red Rover, send Jeep Bitch right over. Make her wait and maybe she will start going the other way. PCM, just make sure you are a step ahead of the kids so you can jump the car and punch her out in case she is crazy enough to run you all over.
Maria
I suggest taking fown her license plate and calling the police to complain of reckless/dangerous driving. Then slap the bitch when she confronts you about it. :p
BusyDad
An Anvil draped over the power lines and dropped at the right moment is the only way to go. Clearly.
Marci
I am a huge fan of Road Runner- I say the nails are the only way to go. Stop at the Dollar Store and buy a bunch of Jacks and sprinkle them in the street as if the kids had just been there playing and add in a few thumbtacks. It should cause a slow leak so she will have a flat when she comes out from work. Yuu could also make a bunch of glittery signes that say "caution children playing in the street- please slow down"
The HOA shouldn't object to that. Put them every 2 feet.....
Lara
I'm thinking a block party would be a very friendly and uplifting activity for you to plan. I'm sure your homeowner's association would allow you to close the street for it. Maybe once a week, on random days.
And if that doesn't work, I'd vote for some REALLY HONKING BIG speed bumps.
Lara
I'm thinking a block party would be a very friendly and uplifting activity for you to plan. I'm sure your homeowner's association would allow you to close the street for it. Maybe once a week, on random days.
And if that doesn't work, I'd vote for some REALLY HONKING BIG speed bumps.
bluesuit12
The red rover idea is my favorite. That or just taking forever to get out of the road.
daisybug
Understand this - officially - kids aren't supposed to play in the street. I am not sure how much that would throw a wrench into my suggestion. That said - she definitely is not supposed to be speeding. Video tape her. over and over again - as many times as you can. Take tape to police department. Mention casually that there are a lot of children in the neighborhood and you are worried about them. Ask for an officer to be stationed in the neighborhood around the time these two come through each day. If you can't get a response out of the police department, go to official twp meeting or something like that.
In the meantime - make signs for your kids to hold as they go through asking them to please slow down,.. then if confronted about kids in the street you can say you are exercising your right to peaceful protest.
Good luck...
conversemomma
I vote nails. Oh, I soooooooo vote nails.
Tara R.
I had the same problem on my street. It's a circle, and unless you live on it, there really is no reason to be there. Speed limit 15. Yelling at offenders just gets you cussed at. I would take old balls (just cheap ones you can find at Big Lots), sit in a chair in the drive way and when they would come speeding along, just roll the balls into the street. I have also called the police on the speeders. I know where they live, so it was easy to get a license number. The friendly officer paid the speeder a visit and that really helped a lot.