Snippets from a weekend of too much "quality time"

I am sure that somewhere someone has published an article on how the family vacation, even the mini-vacation, is destroying America.  All I know is that four hours in a car (each way) is just way too much time for a healthy marriage to survive. 

Him:  what hotel are we staying at?

Me:  the SpringHill by Marriott off of exit 2A

Him:  Is that the same hotel we stayed at last time?

Me:  Not that one...that one was right next to the crappy 7-11 with the pool with too much chlorine, the ice machine that didn't work and it was a nightmare getting to Trader Joe's.

Him:  How is it that you remember that, yet in the 20 minutes we have been in the car, you have lost your ATM card, your iPod and your Palm?

And then later in the weekend (as I mentioned earlier, his sister and I are like oil & water)...but my in-laws paid for the hotel and got us a "family plan", which my father-in-law told us was to include a pizza & movie each night

Him:  we didn't get our pizza last night - did you make sure the front desk gave us 2 pizzas for tonight?

Me:  Yeah - I talked to them, but they said that the deal was for only one pizza for the weekend.  So I got a voucher for a pizza

Him:  but my sister got a voucher for 2 pizzas

Me:  but I checked the pricing plan brochure and your father misunderstood.  We are only supposed to get 1 pizza for the 2-night stay.

Him:  but my sister got 2 pizzas

Me:  yeah - and they probably got sick of her bitching and figured that it was worth the $13 to make her just go away

Him:  This from the woman that I have seen argue at CVS for 10 minutes over a $.50 coupon?

ThenI got to talking to my sister-in-law

Her:  oh - we just never get a chance to go out.

Me:  but your daughters are 14 and 12.  Surely they are old enough for you to leave them for 2 hours while you and Ed go out to dinner?

Her:  well, we don't waste our money on stupid things like going out to dinner.  We just don't have the money.

Me:  well, you can go to Applebees for less than $40 if you only get 1 drink each.  It's the point of getting out and having alone time that matters

Her:  well - that's just an appalling waste of money!  How can you do that?

Me:  We have different priorities.  We spend $200/year on dining out.  You are on your third filled Pandora bracelet since you bought your first one last year.  But I guess the $9 burger IS an extravagance!

Should I mention right here that the next morning when she greeted me at the hotel room door that she was shocked that I was so dressed up?  When I was wearing just a white shirt, linen pants and one of my trademark Coldwater Creek jackets (all the better to hide my muffin top) and she actually had the nerve to say "Oh - I only get that dressed up when we are going out to dinner!"  I could have choked on the irony!

Oh - I guess I just did mention it.

 And then later that day:  everyone came back to the hotel so that the kids could swim.  I was in our room while The Queen was napping, happily reading my book.  Unfortunately, I mistook my family for Brad's family, and used the security latch to prop my door open, inviting visitors to my room.  In my family, this is an invitation for the wine to start flowing.  In brad's family?  not so much (they are usually done after 1-2 glasses...amateurs!).

MIL:  what are you reading?

Me:  Stephen Colbert's book.  I've had it for months but haven't had a chance to read it

MIL:  Who is Stephen Colbert?

Other Sister In Law (the one that I like, or TOTIL):  He used to be on Jon Stewart's show but now he has his own show.   He's really funny!

MIL:  Jon Stewart?  You LIKE HIM?

Me (and SIL - TOTIL):  um - yeah?

MIL:  but did you hear what he said about the Pope?

Me:  sure - he called the Pope a Nazi Youth, which he was.  He said that he was horrible looking.  And then the next night, he apologized for bringing the Nazi thing up, acknowledged that it was probably hard for a teenager to resist joining in WWII Germany and promised to never make fun of him again for that.  But you have to admit that the Pope does look like Emperor Palpatine and was called "God's Pitbull" and was instrumental in covering up the pedophile problem in the US Clergy.

MIL:  well, no Catholic should watch his show anymore!  The Protestants are just as bad!  He just attacks Christians left and right!

Me:  Have you tried this hummus that I picked up at Trader Joe's?

So it was an interesting weekend....

But it wasn't all shits and giggles.

Although we had the thrill of getting gas in NJ for $0.17 less than PA on the way home, my brakes started grinding over the weekend and I was blessed with paying $415.35 for new brakes today (which I am assuming is my punishment for watching Stewart and questioning authority).  Luckily, I was able to coordinate my need to drop off my car with BestFriendMommy's need to buy beer.  And I got to re-stock my bar fridge with Yeungling!