What parent on planet Earth has not struggled with kids getting along? It is a known fact that putting more than one child in the same room for more than 10 minutes will result in anarchy. You’ll forgive me if I do not have actual statistics and resources to back that, but you get the idea.
Kids fight...Despite this fact, there are some parents who seem to have mastered the whole “kids getting along” thing. You can sit and watch at a distance as their kids mingle together with seemingly no problems whatsoever.
Do these kids secretly fight when they are out of the public eye?
Do they have some kind of secret fight club to let out their frustrations when no one’s looking?
While these things could be true, it is more likely that the parents have figured out how to get them under control.
The legends are true folks. Kids can be tamed and kids can get along with one another. Here are some tips that I have learned from people far smarter than me:
Forget the threats
Once you have repeated yourself more than once, you have lost. No amount of threatening will have much weight after that. From the very beginning,(or now with a new beginning), you have to follow through the very first time and every time after. Kids are very wise to our threats these days people. They know our hands are tied to a certain degree with the whippings and they also know when we are blowing smoke.… Don’t blow smoke!
Don’t compare them to each other….ever
The worst thing you can do for kids that like to fight is to give them something to fight about. Telling one kid that her sister is a better dancer, for example, might motivate your kid to improve her dancing. Then again, it might also cause her to burn her sister’s ballet shoes.
It absolutely will make them argue about the subject either directly or indirectly. Don’t compare your kids no matter how bad you might be tempted.
Let em duke it out!
Okay so that is not meant to be literal. By no means should you allow them to hit one another or hurt each other. Still, there is something to be said for making kids work out their own disagreements and fights. This teaches them social skills that they will not develop if you do it for them every single time. Be sure to let them work through the majority of things and only step in when you have to.
Give them a verbal outlet
Kids that are forced to stay quiet will find other ways to scream out. This is also true for fighting kids. You have to allow them an outlet to let their frustrations out or they will let them out on each other. Have regular family meetings where the kids can talk things over as a group. This disarms the arguments and keeps you in the loop as a parent at the same time. Allow them to talk through a problem in front of you at these meetings. By postponing the discussion to another time, you are disarming it and forcing them to work through it with a clear mind later.
We forget sometimes that our kids are little versions of us. They need to have the same opportunities to resolve conflict and let out their frustrations. Unfortunately, their siblings are the most likely targets when they are small. Keep this in mind as you try to help them navigate new emotions, problems and frustrations.
I know that I am always working on implementing these tips in my family. What are some of your tips?
