10 Things I Hate (100 Things, Part III)

Six o'clock already I was just in the middle of a dream

I was kissing Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream

But I can't be late because then I guess I just won't get paid

These are the days when you wish your bed was already made

Ok - so it was 5:15am and I was kissing an old college boyfriend on the Peter Pan ride at DisneyWorld.  And I don't have a job to get to that pays me money and Monday is "sheet day" anyway.  Same thing really. 

But it's Monday!  Time for Part III of my X-part series:  "100 things about me" (or "The series that relieves me of having to come up with topical stuff for the day")

That was enough ado, so without any further, I present:  "The Ten Things I Hate"

1. Ignorant people:  Notice I did not say "stupid".  I said "ignorant".  Ignorance is curable:  you just add knowlege and stir.  Ignorant people are perfectly content to go about their lives without caring or knowing how their actions affect others.  They have an opinion on something and won't let any facts/data to the contrary change their mind.  This includes most of the Republican leadership. 
2. Spiders/ants:  I can watch any gory movie, any real-life surgery on TV and wipe shit and puke for hours.  But the minute I see one of those tiny little fuckers, I am running for the bug spray and will empty an entire can of aerosol killing solution on them (the environment be damned)!  After they have been sprayed, I will then give those Riverdance people some competition as I stomp their little guts out to to make sure that they are dead.    Please don't try to tell me all the good that spiders do for the Circle Of Life.  I saw Arachnophobia!  And don't even get me started on every spring when the farmer behind me manures his field and we have a "fly problem" for a week.  Oh wait - give it another few weeks and I'm sure that you will be reading about it here!
3. Mushrooms:  they're fungus.  They are tasty fungus, but they are fungus nonetheless.  I cannot stand to eat them in their natural form (raw or cooked).  The texture of them literally makes me gag.  But if you extract the flavor from them, process them and add tons of chemicals?  I'm all over that!
4. Driving:  For so many reasons.  First, because I am rarely alone in the car and that means that either a Backyardigans, Pokemon or WonderPets video is playing.  It's also the only time I have to wear my glasses and I look like a dork in them.  And I WILL NOT drive in the rain at night.
5. Email from real-life immediate family/friends:  Not the joke-emails.  I actually don't mind those.  It's the "hey - how are the kids and what have you been up to?" ones that I don't like.  I know that email frees up so much valuable time that is wasted on making a personal connection with your neighbor or sister.  I'm an old-fashioned gal.  I like hearing voices, and not just the ones in my head.  Pick up the damn phone!
6. Vacations that last more than 5 days:  I can't help it.  After 5 days my left eye starts to twitch because I know that the dust is accumulating and that "still-water line" in the toilet is starting to form.
7. Dooce:  ok - I don't hate her, but I just don't get the virtual worship of her and her blog.  I know that she pioneered the Mommy-blog movement, but I have found so many more interesting bloggers out there....ones who allow comments more than once a week.  I know - if I don't like it, I don't have to read it.  I don't.  
8. The fact that I am so vain:  for all my frump-fighting posts and snarky comments, I sometimes envy those women who are comfortable going out in public without a shower, full makeup and in stained yoga pants.  Just don't tell my mom, 'kay?
9. Celine Dion:  I was sorta ok with her until she sang that grating and annoying "My Heart Will Go On" song for "Titanic" (possibly the worst movie ever made).  Then she covered AC/DC and I realized that she must be killed!
10. Parents who overschedule their children and themselves and then complain about not being able to spend time as a family:  Children do not need an activity every night and on weekends.  There is something to be said for just sitting on the sofa with your child on a Tuesday night and watching TV; for realizing that playing Hi Ho Cherry-O with your 4-year old is more important than folding a load of laundry; for getting out in the back yard with your children instead of dropping them off at softball and picking them up an hour later.   If you don't get that, then I have four words for you:  "Cats in the Cradle"

And that concludes this week's boring installment.  Next week?  "10 Things I Love!"