It's time to return to trying to complete my 100 things list. I know you have all been breathless with anticipation. I could tell from the deafening silence in my Inbox! You were obviously all holding your breath and too on edge to type!
I've been putting this one off because...well - it's about my fat ass body. Once I get through this, I should be able to burn through the remaining, and JoeTaxPayer gave me some good ideas for the final twenty. Why didn't I just skip over this one and do another?
If you can ask that question, then you must not have been reading very long....there is a list and this topic was next! I must go in order (I believe that's actually a law). Oh - and rearranging the list would have been cheating!
Aren't I just becoming the master of the long-winded introduction?
10 Things About My Body:
1. My height: there ain't much of it! I stand at 5'2", allowing me tower over my own children, but very few other people. This is only really a problem when I go to parties and inevitably some drunk asshole (or my nephew) decides to use my head as an armrest. Oh yeah - or when I want to do about 50% of the stuff in my kitchen. Having 10' ceilings with kitchen cabinets that go almost all the way up isn't as glamorous as it sounds! I have become quite the connoisseur of step-stools!
2. My hair: Many a fool woman has complimented me on my hair. It is really thick with just the right amount of curl that makes it look great...9 months of the year. In the summer (or when it rains), it tends to poof out and look like Monica from the episode of Friends when they went to the Barbados. It used to be really blond. It still is though, just not naturally!
3. My toes: are long enough to wrap around and perch with. Yeah - thanks a whole lot Dad!
4. My eyes: are blue. Those I can thank my father for as well. They are probably my best feature...at least that is what everyone has always told me
5. My ass: is fat. 'nuff said
6. My chin: I have two of them (thanks Mom!). It's actually ok unless I smile, then my face looks about twice as big as it is (especially when you combine it with what my husband calls my "chipmunk cheeks") . Every woman on my mother's side of the family has the same thing...even my really-skinny-former-beauty-pageant-winning cousin!
7. My boobs: are flat deflated not at all perky small. After bearing and nursing 3 children, they are now on a first-name-basis with the Victoria's Secret Angels Collection (although those stupid twits never want to believe me when I say I need a C-cup). My older sister got all the boobs in the family. Matter of fact - she has enough boobs for 4 families. I believe that she owes me something for clearly stealing all the boob-genes from my mother before I was born!
8. My stomach: is....soft. And droopy from 3 c-sections. And yet it is still kinda flat. I have been told my many people that I could firm it up with just a few million sit-ups, but that sounds like an awful lot of work! I'm too old for midriff-baring clothes anyway.
9. My skin: is remarkably clear and has been all my life. Aside from a few random pimples when I was pregnant, I've never had a problem with acne. I have quite a few moles all over my body, but the worst have been removed by my friendly neighborhood plastic surgeon. And despite being an idiot smoking for the last 20+ years, it is still soft supple and firm. I don't even have that many stretch marks.
10. My weight: is 20 pounds too high. But I'm finally fine with that. Sure, I would like to lose weight and have a tight ass and skinny thighs. That effort remains ongoing. But as long as I don't gain any more and until Brad tells me that I am too fat to fuck, I refuse to stress myself out over it (and if Brad were to say that, he would find himself becoming more intimately acquainted with Righty and Lefty anyway!)
Ahhh - it's finally over! Now I can move on to more fun lists!
daisybug
"My weight: is 20 pounds too high. But I’m finally fine with that. Sure, I would like to lose weight and have a tight ass and skinny thighs. That effort remains ongoing. But as long as I don’t gain any more and until Brad tells me that I am too fat to fuck, I refuse to stress myself out over it (and if Brad were to say that, he would find himself becoming more intimately acquainted with Righty and Lefty anyway!)" YAY YOU!!!! 🙂 I think you are just loverly. Don't stress over it!