Dealing with Mother In Law Problems
When you get married, it is tough to deal with all the new things that are going on around you. You have to keep your new husband or wife happy in addition to yourself now, so life is not quite as simple as it once was. Sometimes, you get truly unlucky and you have more than just a new spouse to keep happy. When you have a mother in law that does not know about boundaries, then life can become a nightmare that you can’t wake up from. Fortunately, you can survive the mother in law problems but it is a tricky proposition.
The first thing you need to do is get on the same page with your spouse. If they are not on board with your thoughts and feelings, then you have a near impossible situation. This is truly something you should consider before you marry someone. If you suspect a problem, you need to talk it over with your spouse to be before you walk the aisle. If they are not going to help you deal with the problems, you might reconsider the whole thing.
Assuming you have your spouse on board, you need to remember that you will never eliminate them altogether. The mother in law will be there for as long as they naturally live. You have to accept that your spouse will never give them up completely and they should not in be asked to do so in most cases. Attack this from an angle of compromise. It will be the one power you can wield when your mother in law problems get really bad.
In the beginning years of your relationship with your spouse, you will set expectations for your mother in law. How many phone calls and visits they make will be the first contentious thing in most relationships. Early on you need to set boundaries with them in a gentle but firm way. Don’t feed this off to your spouse because guess what? He or she won’t do it. Having someone tell their mother not to call so much is nearly impossible to expect. Do it yourself but with a kind and soft spirit.
A manipulative mother in law is particularly tough. The key here is to try to have witnesses around when you communicate with her. If you have a mutual friend, your spouse or anyone else around, it becomes tougher to let her manipulate the situation. Another key is to stay on your own turf as much as possible. Your home is your sanctuary and your mother in law from hell will have less power there. Visit a difficult mother in law on her turf only when your spouse is with you.
Finally, deal with your mother in law problems with kindness and love. Even the toughest old bird will eventually give in if you are truly good to her and her child. There are the occasional monsters that can’t be turned, but the majority will eventually come around. The important thing is that you will one day have grandchildren….
That means you have total control from then on….just make sure that you aren't being a difficult daughter in law yourself!
What are some of your suggestions for dealing with your mother in law problems?
