I get a new name and almost bitchslap someone. Or "Bunco Night"

It seems that my name has been previously discussed and decided upon in my neighborhood.  Just call me BarbieMommy!  It has something to do with the fact that I wash my hair each day and wear makeup.  And that I don't take my kids to the bus stop in my pajamas.  And that I like to bake and cook and clean.  And although I don't have a problem with, or snub or even comment on those moms who choose not to wear makeup and do wear their pajamas to the bus stop, I obviously I must be stopped!

And we had a new face last night!    More accurately, an old-new-face.  A returnee to the neighborhood.  She needs a name of her own.  Let's see, what shall we call her? How about IWantToKillThatBitchMommy, and who all but called me a whore.

Me?  A whore? A 38-year old stay-at-home mom with 3 kids under the age of 7 who lives in WestKabumblefuck with a husband who works long hours and a small business of her own?  I don't have the time or energy to be a whore.  A drunk, yes.  But certainly not a whore.

So why am I a whore?  Because not only do I believe that it is possible for people of the opposite sex to be friends, but because I actually HAVE a friend of the opposite sex.  Me.  A married woman!  Oh - the scandal!  We send emails to each other.  We talk on the phone.  We might even meet at a local fast food restaurant with a play area.  Because you know, nothing says romance like a McDonald's Playland at noon on a weekday!

And despite the fact that these are the same things I do with female friends, the very fact that he has a penis means that this friendship is wrong and that it will be the downfall of my marriage.  Other moms at the party agreed with me and even told tales of their own previous non-sexual friendship with members of the opposite sex.  But because my friendship is current, IWantToKillThatBitchMommy focused all of her attention on me.  She told me that when my husband found out about the friendship (he already knows) he would get back at me by making his own female friends.  Yet he hangs out with BestFriendMommy all the time while our children are playing together.  If they wanted to have an affair, they have had plenty of chances.  You don't see me going batshit over that possibility, do you?

It just amazes me how stupid and catty grown women can be sometimes.  Is it any wonder that I NEVER had many female friends until I was about 30 years old?  Since the age of 14 I have always got along better with guys. 

The bitch is just lucky that the hostess ran out of Yeungling and I had to switch to Coors Light (aka:  water).  One more beer and my clear-heels self would have slapped her!