This is to every person with depression who has considered suicide because they think that everyone would be better off without them...or that they are just a "burden" to others.
I admit - I have never had to battle serious depression (aside from some Post-Partum) and I understand that depression can be a debilitating illness. This letter is written from the perspective of those left behind. Your pain has ended. Everyone else's pain has just begun!
Dear friend,
Hey - you! Stop thinking that I or anyone will be better off without you because believe me when I say "I won't be". I need you in my life, with all of your flaws. Other people need you in their life. There is nothing that you have done that can't be fixed. The consequences may suck, but it can be fixed!
Depression is one huge lying sack of crap. Remember that.
Depression can make you think that there is no hope.
It lies
Depression can make you think that the world will be better off without you
It lies.
Your daughter will always be sad that she has to find someone else to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. You may not have been perfect, but you were her Daddy.
Your sons, no matter how "strong" you think they are, will be reduced to a blubbering mess several years later thinking about why you weren't there for a major event in their life.
Your friends and family will forever question if there was something that they could do to help you, but didn't.
Your seat will be empty at holiday dinners, and it will be noticed and there will be sadness, even several years later.
If your wife/children/friend was the one to find you, that will forever be burned in to their mind as their last image of you. Not the good times..the laughter..the fun times...just seeing your dead lifeless body.
And we don't feel relief when you are gone. We feel sadness at first. Deep and uncontrollable sadness. Heaving sobs of sadness. No matter what you did in your life or how much you think that you screwed up, I assure you that nobody in your family is going to say "I am glad that he is gone!"
Because depression lies like that lying sack of shit that it is.
And then the sadness turns to anger. And we are angry at you.
Angry for not keeping up the fight. Angry for giving up. Angry because we may not quite understand your illness, but understand enough to know that help was there if you wanted it enough and were willing to work on it (and had good insurance, but that is another issue). Angry that you honestly thought so little of our love for you that you thought that we would be better off without you.
Right or wrong, that is how we feel.
And while we may be comforted that you are finally at peace, for some of us, the Hell is just beginning.
Your pain has ended - we get to spend the next 20 - 50 years mourning you....thinking of you..wondering what might have been if you would have just realized how much you were loved. Every wedding, every family event...we say "Oh - He would have loved to be here for this!"
I lost a dear relative and friend just over 3 years ago to a depression-related suicide. I have lost several friends over the years to the same horrible lying sack of shit disease.
My life is NOT better without them. I loved them. I still miss them, "warts and all". And in one case, I am pissed off that his boys have to spend the rest of their lives without him. Because he really was an awesome dad!
If you are thinking of suicide and think that people will be better off without you...think again.
And help is out there for you. Please take it!
Because you are too important. You are too loved. You are YOU!
