It's Fight the Frump Friday, sponsored by Fussypants. And since I am a woman of my word, let's talk about our panties. I know that I said last week that it would be about panties AND bras, but apparently I have more to say about cotton panties than I thought I would...so we'll talk about "the girls" next week!
You know, I really was fine with my "intimate collection" until recently. Then I was at a McDonald's playland about a month ago having lunch with a friend when I heard "Nice granny panties Min!" Was I wearing Walmart specials? Hanes briefs? Nope - they were Victoria's Secret cotton bikinis. But the problem was that I had had them for so long (they weren't ratty or anything, I just have about 50 pairs of panties) that they were too big for me (I used to be about 50 pounds heavier than I am now...and that was when I wasn't pregnant) and when I reached up to help The Queen on the playland, they peeked out of the back of my pants (damn those low-rise pants!). I had made sure that I was wearing a black bra under my black sweater, but my underwear? Not so stylin'!
"But wait! Look at this picture! She's wearing VS cotton bikinis and look how sexy she is!" Yes - you are right....she is also a size zero. If Victoria's Secret is banging down your door asking you to model their newest underwear line, then you can stop reading.....
Still with me? Thought so.....my fat ass is right here with ya!
The truth is, no female looks cute in cotton panties except 6-year old girls (oh shit - I think that sentence will get my site popping up on the Pedophile Seach Engine....go away you perverts!) and size zero still-life models who have been airbrushed. That doesn't mean that you need to wear crotchless panties from Sluts R' Us, but a nice rayon or silk pair with a little bit of lace would be nice. (with a cotton crotch liner, of course...we must remember to keep everything healthy down there!)
"But wait! I need my cotton underwear for when I work out!". Ummm - ok. I'll have to take your word for it. I'm allergic to exercise, so I wouldn't know. But if that is the case, then ONLY wear them when you work out and then change them (and a shower would be nice too)
"But cotton panties are the only ones that are comfortable". Hey - I'm with you on that...they can be comfortable. But you get used to different things. If I told you (well maybe not you, but you over there - and you behind her) that you would feel comfortable with what is basically a string up your butt-crack, would you have laughed at me? Yet look at how sales of thongs have exploded and the millions of women who swear that they are the most comfortable thing they ever wore.
So it's time! Go in to that underwear drawer and get rid of those things. And just to show you that I practice what I screech:
A trash can full of my granny panties. Right after I took this picture I had to take them to the outside trash can because my husband would kill me if he knew how many pairs of perfectly useable underwear I threw away (then again, he does read this blog from time to time, so if you never hear from me again....it's because I got busted by the Underwear Costs Money Police)
And here is the nice new pretty underwear drawer (although it made me realize that I have no red, green or purple underwear...must go shopping. Hey! this project worked out pretty well!)
jill
i recently bought from the pink collection at VS, which are 'expensive' as far as I am concerned, having worn walmart undies all my life. I suggest cute undies (that fit!) and that are at least a bit matchy matchy with your bras, no matter what the material! good for you for getting rid of those that dont fit/work for you anymore!
Valarie
Cute Post! I happen to like the low rise boy short. If you get the right material they don't show panty lines, and they don't feel like you have dental floss up your butt.
Sister Honey Bunch
You make me laugh Mindi. And you inspired me. I'm shopping this weekend.
Maria
Is it weird that the word 'panties' makes me uncomfortable??
FreeFromItAll
I love reading your posts! I can't help it...it must be a sickness of some kind. bwahahahahahah
Seriously, not sure I'm changin from my Hanes her way, but I have been de-frumping in other areas (like sox for instance). I'll have to think on this one a while.
There's just nothing like the feel of silk panties schmucked to your backside w/sweat on a hot summer day. *shudder*
peasinmyhair
Sometimes I put on my pregnancy grannie panties with high heels and walk around clucking like a chicken to make my husband laugh, so I can't just throw them away!
And there is one way to make grannie panties look cute if there are no other clean undies, not that I EVER get backed up on laundry...roll them down until they are little bikinis, then pretend you are a bohemian DIY type who does this type of thing on purpose.
But ultimately, I guess you're right. Well, now I'm going online to get some more panties.
Joy
Funny post! And here's hoping that a bunch of creepy perverts don't google their way here!
Tamra
I happen to be child-free today (woop woop) so it's a perfect time for shopping to update my undies. There's bras on my FTF post today... but nursing bras. Looking forward to your take on it next week!
Kelly
You will have to pry my granny panties from my cold, dead, lifeless arse. That's right. I'm keepin em' and wearing them with my low rise pants, and you and everyone else will never stop me. Muuuu-haaaa-haaa-ha~!
Alicia
Funny stuff! My husband and your husband may work on the same task force!
Accountable
Yup... I've finally thrown out my undies that have more than 3 holes in them. I do wear my white cotton undies when it's that most special time of the month.
As it is, I have enough undies that I need to wash them once a month or so before I run out. ~Sigh~ But most of these I've had since college and I've graduated in 1997.
What to do, What to do...
momster
Mindi, I am a first-time reader here and I have to say this post is priceless. Not that it will help me - I am a lost cause fashion-wise speaking - but I did enjoy reading this and learning how comfortable a string up the butt crack really is. Yep, keeping my grannies, but your lingerie drawer is very pretty!
Vampie
Me and Victoria's Secret Store have "love affair" going on. (Calvin Klein undies are high on the list too) Have to admit, I love my thongs, be it microfiber or satin, or lace and the Brazilian Lace undies are nice too. I wear regular undies when working out. What can I say...fat a$$ or not, pretty underwear makes me feel sexy and I can use that for sure!
jenefur
I just bought a bunch from Lane Bryant and The Avenue. They have such cute ones there! It's great tossing the old ones goodbye!
FreeFromItAll
Vampy I just got a catalog today from Victoria Secret (casual spring 2008). It's been years since I've gotten one of these magazines....maybe it's a sign (or did one of you non-granny pannies sign me up? LOL).
Vampie
LMAO....wasn't me!
Melody
LOL! I recently went and replaced all the old underwear and bras in my drawers (no pun intended) with new underwear. What did I get? Low Rise Breifs and GRANNY PANTIES!!!
They are comfortable, they cover my AMPLE behind, and I'm not gonna be sorry about it - LOL! If I were 50 lbs smaller, I'd be getting the pretty ones, too.
Great post - I've been trying to compose something along those lines.
HRH
Very funny...I will be dredging through my underwear drawer with your words in my head.
April
Okay, that's really weird. Before I sat down to read your blog, I was thinking about how I desperately need some non--cotton underwear!
Blog Hoppin'
carla
ok
ok
ok
Im on it.
time to upgrade from the threadbare Target grannie panties.
M.
Daisy
Granny panties are an absolute no-no - I don't care who you are, you need sexy undies. Sexy starts with undies... Seriously - if you are still holding on to granny panties after reading Mindi's post - consider yourself thunked in the head.
And I don't want to hear any nonsense about being too fat. It is nonsense. Sexiness, my dear friends, is a feature of self-worth - NOT figure. Trash those granny panties. TODAY. Be sexy. Your choice. For comfort - try "boy shorts/cheeky panties". They are very comfy and also very sexy.
Yay you Mindi! 🙂
fightingwindmills
I liked how you wrote that you practice what you screech. And sorry to be late commenting on this post, but it took me a couple of days to get over the shock of seeing your underwear drawer and the throwaways on the internet. You certainly are good at writing these Fight the Frump posts. 😀