Rules of the Road

Having left the workforce just over seven years ago and having spent all that time avoiding rush hour traffic on the highway that connects my outlying suburb to "the real world", I think I forgot how annoying other drivers can be.

Either that, or I just has a serious case of PMS and managed to run in to every dickhead driver in the Philadelphia area.  That will teach me to try to spend a few extra minutes with my out-of-town relatives who are staying with my mother.

But no matter if you pass on the right or don't always put on your turn signal when you are in a turn-only lane, there NEED to be some universal rules of the road....or I need a gun.  Take your pick!

1. The shoulder of a highway is for when your car breaks down or your child is vomiting all over himself while you are going 70mph and 10 miles from the nearest exit and need to clean him up (that was a fun day!).  It is not a travel lane.  And no, I am not being a bitch when I laugh at you because you got pulled over.
2. Throw an apple core out the window and on to the grass along the highway?  Not that bad (it will degrade faster out in the open air/dirt than it will inside the next plastic trash bag you find).  Throw an entire Wendy's bag out the window?  I bet you are the same asshole who changed your child's diaper in the Target parking lot and then left the dirty diaper on the ground, aren't you?
3. No - bicycles certainly do NOT belong on the road.  Do you know why that is?  Because they pose a safety hazard to the rest of us and themselves.  You know what causes an even bigger hazard?  Assholes like you who honk at the cyclist so that they swerve suddenly and almost fall off their bike and right under your car.
4. Multitasking in the car is not wise, but accepted.  Hell - I can apply mascara while driving 80mph and not make a single mistake.  But I can do that in less than 1 minute.  Reading War & Peacewhile going 60mph is a bit excessive, donchathink?
5. Three.Car.Lengths.  THREE.FUCKING.CAR.LENGTHS.  Hell - I'd settle for one.  The last person that far up my ass was...not a stranger.  So back off!  You just make me want to slow down (and I will express my displeasure by doing so)
6. When traffic is backed up because an on-ramp is merging on to the highway, let a guy in.  We all know how it works...we let the guy in, get the obligatory hand-wave from him, then the next person merges in behind us.  We learned this whole taking-turns shit in preschool.  Unless your wife is in labor on the seat next to you and the baby is crowning, there is nowhere that you need to be that can't wait one car length.

Is it too much to ask?