Somwhere out there are women who lead normal lives. Their children are relatively well-behaved, their husbands don't try to take away their TiVo and replace it with Fios that only has the ability to record one program at a time, and they aren't magnets for every nutball out there every time they go out in public.
The next time I find one of these women, I fully intend to kill her and take over her life.....just like that liquid metal chick from the last Terminator movie.
It started out really nice. I woke up this morning to the sound of The Queen yelling "MaMa!", rolled over and was shocked to see that it was 7:30...she let me sleep in! Looks like it was gonna be a good day, until........
It seems that The Queen is no longer content with waking herself up by projectile vomiting in her crib....this morning was projectile diarrhea....on the one morning that she wasn't wearing a footed sleeper (which would hold it all in rather than let it go everywhere in her crib) - just a diaper and a Snow White t-shirt. And of course, what fun is shitting in the crib if you can't rub it on the wall next to the crib? Clean crib, clean Queen, clean wall, throw away sheets and t-shirt. Shower, dress, etc.
Go down to make coffee. Only 5 scoops of beans left in canister. No problem, that's why we have a pantry! Except - I'm outta coffee in the pantry! What idiot grabbed the last can of my beloved Trader Joes coffee out of the pantry without scheduling an immediate trip to TJs to replenish? (Oh yeah - that would be me). I make do with only a 5-cup pot and since Brad has to leave for work soon, it looks like I'm taking all three kids to TJs later today.
Next on the agenda? Copying some pictures from my camera to my computer. Insert card "CF card cannot be read". Excuse me? Remove card, blow on the computer port-thingy (sorry - don't mean to be so technical) and blow on all those little holes at the end of the card.....hey if it works for the Nintendo, it should work for the card, right? No dice. My card is fried. Time to go blow $25 on a new card. Brad refuses to believe that this was a sign that I shouldn't wait for my birthday to get my new camera and that I should buy it today!
This day is already going to shit, so I might as well poison my kids on the way to TJs and stop at the Wendy's drive-through. Pull up to the ordering box and...nothing. Yes folks, that's right: my drivers side window is broken and refuses to go down (I guess the bright side is that it didn't break in the down position in February). I look like a total dipshit as I open the door to place my order, then to pay, then to get my food.
Get to TJs, threaten Princes with every punishment known to man if they don't behave in the store. They are actually pretty good. Decide that if I am going to give this semi-vegan thing a try (some dairy will remain in my diet), I would try one of TJs soy cheese shreds. And as I reach for it, I hear the words "Hypocrite!". Surely she isn't talking to me? Grab cheese and as I am putting it in my cart, I hear "oh - give me a break!". I turn and see some 98lb bitch staring at me. She picked the wrong chick on the wrong day, because this was our conversation:
Me: Excuse me? are you talking to me?
Bitch: yeah - you're a hypocrite
Me: what are you talking about?
Bitch: you have soy sausage, soy chicken, soy beef strips & tofu in your cart and now you are buying soy cheese....but you're wearing a wool sweater. you're a hypocrite!
Me: are you really saying this to me?
Bitch: if you really cared about animals, you wouldn't be wearing wool...and I assume those boots aren't vinyl are they?
Me: not that it's any of your business, but I DO care about animals. It's just that I only care about chickens and baby cows. The sheep are evil and deserve whatever they get! Now get the fuck away from me or I'm calling a manager!
The Queen: Fu....Fuh (guess what she was trying to say?)
Do I have a sign on my back that attracts these people?
Do any of you ever wonder why I drink? It's because of days like this!
Sister sassy
omg, SO funny!! What made her think she had the right to correct other people. You should have told her to go get a big mac, that would have been funny.
BTW- I sort of attrack total freaks too. Not bitches, but freaks. If tehre is a freak with issues in a room with me he will come to me and pass me a note asking me if I'm available. ACK!
Maria
That mother fucker.
I hate people like that.
There are VERY few people who know that I'm vegetarian. Because I don't rub it in people's faces. I don't even bother my husband about it and cook him and the girls as much meat as they want - it's personal.
My own convictions have NADA to do with others. I probably would have pushed my cart into her. Or opened a pack of raw hamburger and thrown it at her. And then ran like hell.
HP
OMG! Who thinks they can say something like that to a stranger? OMG!
Sister Honey Bunch
Oh NO SHE DIDN'T! I am stunned. Positively stunned that someone would have the nerve to throw down in the grocery store over something like that. Insane.
Ed (zoesdad)
What kind of idiot wears vinyl boots with a wool sweater?
Mindi
I couldn't believe that she did it either...especially since the Trader Joes that I went to is in the middle of a "normal" area where people shop there more for the great prices on organic foods rather than because they want vegetarian fare (matter of fact, this particular TJs has less of a selection of vegetarian frozen & boxed food than my local supermarket...they just have much better prices). It's not like I was the only heathen in an area of "true believers"
Oh and Ed (a BlogHopping pal): the day that vinyl anything graces my body is the day that someone sedates me and dresses me against my will.
And since I don't wish to write another post about The Queen and her explosive shits, we'll just say that I'm glad I put her to bed in a footed sleeper last night. I think that White Grape Juice is now off the menu for her (either that or she is suddenly lactose-intolerant...you know - because she wasn't high-maintenance enough already!)
anne
People like that make me want to puke. Why is there always that a-hole that tries to make you feel like what you are doing is not nearly good enough? I hope she chokes on her tofu. Or some humble pie or something - she needs it!
Rhonda
OMG! I can't believe I didn't read this post until TODAY!
What a bitch. Bitch bitch bitch.
What a day!!!! Good Lord!
Hugs from here 🙂
Mindi
Hey there Rhonda! Yep - it was the TJs in Wayne.KoP which is why it shocked me so much. At least if I was in the one near my mom's house in Ardmore I could understand it...all those granola-munching Diva Cup-using Narberth-ians probably shop there.
I pretty much just hid in the house after church yesterday (and cleaned up vomit - Prince #2 seems to have caught a fun little stomach bug.)
melbs1969
ok...where the heck have you been my whole life? seriously...in love with you!! well, you're blog but, give me time, i'll fall in love with you, too!!
i'm so glad you friended me on cre8buzz and i'm sooooo blogrolling you!! big.time!!
Daisy
ROFLMAO - THAT is in-freaking-credible - but oh so funny! Evil sheep. See I think of that stuff like 2 days later - stuff I coulda, shoulda, woulda said - I love that you said it straight away!
Great Blog... Thanks for sharing!
Momo Fali
Are you serious?!!! Wow. I think I'd have hauled off and smacked her.
LaskiGal
Oh--a real world taster . . . I LOVE Hungry Girl, but always wonder if they stuff they tout is really that good (I'm a pumpkin freak because of them!), though I did overdo it on the FiberOne. Thanks for the info . . . will have to try!
Oh . . .came over from the Buzz . . .
Vampy
OMGosh! Mindi, what a day and I cannot BELIEVE that happened! I totally don't get people like that...your reaction was really calm if you ask me. I might have answered..."I believe in steel as well and would you like to see the "steel pipe" I carry?" LOL. Years ago, one of these types of activists came at me to attack me because they thought I was wearing a real fur (I was wearing a faux fur). Although I fully understand why people get angry, I would never thinking of hurting or bothering anyone because of my beliefs. So sorry you had to deal with the b.s. but I think you handled yourself real well...left her so stumped she couldn't even get the words out I see! LOL
Say What?
You know, it's people like that that give vegetarians and vegans a bad name. Now, I suppose she would have been only 1/2 as snotty if your family was lactose intolerant and needed the soy for that reason.
Hope the Queen is feeling better. And I hope your washer and dryer are holding out!
Say What?
OH, I forgot to say, I love the little coffee "magnet" you have accompanying this post. And I always ask for the "McMom Margarita" whenever I am at a fast food kid trap. No one has developed one yet - but good Lord they need to!