There are certain things that I heard when I was younger that I swore I would never be old enough, dumb enough or dorky enough to say.
And yet I find myself saying them these days:
"I don't understand this new math": well I'm sorry, but I don't. If you have a child in K-6th grade, could you please explain to me why they needed to shitcan long-division and "carry the one" in favor of multiplying out on a grid that looks like every year's Superbowl party pool? Perhaps if I was starting at the beginning and learning it along with my children I would get it. But part of the deal with watching 5th-grader Satan's Spawn after school is that I help him with his homework. We went back and forth for 15 minutes with me telling him "you need to borrow the one". I was starting to think he was an idiot, when he finally looked at me and said "you mean 'swap'?". Looks like I'm the idiot now. I guess I am in good company though, since the school hosts "Everyday Mathematics" classes for the parents at the start of each year
"This is not a diner and I am not a short-order cook. You eat what I make or you don't eat at all!": this is something that my mother said to me constantly and I still remember how unfair I thought she was. Then I had 3 children and a husband, all with roughly the same palate and NONE of which will eat fruits & vegetables. And don't ask me to explain why I can have Cocoa Puffs for dinner but my kids can't....they just can't!
"You can't eat/drink that. It's after 7:00pm": ahhh...Seven o'clock. The magical cut-off time for soda, juice, cookies, ice cream and pretty much everything but milk, water, rice cakes or bananas (the one fruit they WILL eat). They can gorge themselves silly on it at 6:59pm, but 7:02pm? Not a chance in Hell! What kind of mom would I be if I allowed that to happen?
"This is my house, not a playground!": taking any claim of ownership of the house from my children happened around the time that Brad installed hardwood floors (which amplifies the sound). Those kids can run around so much upstairs that the dishes rattle in the kitchen. But I guess if I didn't want them to think of our home as a fun place, I probably should not have moved an entire Toys R Us distribution center in to the family room.
What do you hear yourself saying that you swore you never would?
Mr Lady
All of the above, dude. All day, every day.
4me
I have been enjoying your blog for months (so thank you for such a fun place to read - finally someone whose life is almost as zooey as mine - just my precious monsters are older). I just couldn't let this one go without commenting.
I use to hate, hate, hate, it when I was told by my mom-
"Because I said so, that's why"!
With my first son (along time ago), I was going to be mom of the year, when he asked me a question, I would patiently explain and then of course this would prompt more questions and on and on... I was so good I would explain and explain.... one day...... oh, it is still so clear, I was tired and pms'd and the poor child asked why just one to many times and out of my mouth before I could stop myself, came those words, "because I said so, I'm the mom, that's why" .
It was too late the words were out there was no getting them back, I cried for two hours, "OMG, I have turned into my mother!"
Lara
Well for one, I say "Listen to what I mean and not what I say." But that one is ok because I preface it by saying, "As my mother would say."
I also goof up my kids names. I'll call kid #2 by kid #1's name. Mom used to call us names in 3's... I'd be called a medley of 3 names: her kids, her sisters, whatever. So when I call a kid the wrong name, rather than continuing for all 3 and sounding like mom, I just say "whichever one you are."
Maria
I say a couple of those too. *lol*
Rhonda
I don't understand that new math either.
Thank goodness for Hubz 🙂
Darla
OMG I'm snorting at the math comment. I don't get it either!!! I keep trying to do it "the old fashioned way" and he's like - no that's not how we do it - WELL IT'S THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!
Sheesh!
Oh and the hardwood flooring - I shoulda warned ya on that one - our whole house is hardwood flooring/tile and it is the LOUDEST HOUSE on the planet. ahhhhhhh
Tara R.
Yep, I stopped doing elementary math yearrrs ago. I do say the "not a diner" thing all the time... but I also add 'shut the door, I'm not heating/cooling the entire neighborhood!'
Love Bites
"because I said so." That's the big one.
Mindi
Mr. Lady: and would that be why there is JD in the sippy cup?
4me: thanks for de-lurking and please do it more often! I forgot about the "Because I said so"....and I use it quite frequently (but also with my husband)
Lara: that's right - blame it all on Grandma! Oh - and I get my kids names mixed up all the time. My poor father who has 4 girls and a wife with names starting with an "M" hasn't called me the right name on the first try in years!
Maria: see - further proof that I am working on being as cool as you!
Rhonda & Darla: I'm glad it isn't just me. I keep having to call one of my friends with a 5th grader and ask her how to multiply & divide "the right way"!
Tara: that one goes hand-in-hand with "Were you born in a barn?"
LoveBites: and thus starts the circular argument: "But why?" "Because I said so!" "But WHY?" "Because I SAID so!" BUUUUUUTTTTTT WHYYYYYYYYYY?" "go to your room!"
drizitche
What do you hear yourself saying that you swore you never would?
...
"Warden, I need a private cell."
~ Driz
Love Bites
LoveBites: and thus starts the circular argument: “But why?” “Because I said so!” “But WHY?” “Because I SAID so!” BUUUUUUTTTTTT WHYYYYYYYYYY?” “go to your room!”
Oh, hayull no. Not at my house. At my house, the answer to that is: "Because I'm the mom." End of discussion.
Mindi
drizitche: ok....do you need to say that often?
LoveBites: my problem is that my oldest is too smart for that. Hell - he'll be 7 next month and he already kicks my ass at chess!
drizitche
Isn't just having to say that once, for any half-valid reason, one time too many?
~ Driz