(I'm feeling very ranty)
Dear Stupid, Silly, Horse-faced Woman Behind Me:
I offered to let you go in front of me. Several times, in fact. You declined.
Once you saw what I was up to, you had the option of changing lanes. Instead, you chose to mutter under your breath, sigh heavily and roll your eyes.
Get over it...because the next time I see you, I'm going to dash to make sure that I get in front of you JUST TO PISS YOU OFF!
So to you and all of your obnoxious too-rich-to-worry-about-prices-buy-a-$175-hamburger-just-so-you-can-claim-to-literally-"shit gold" friends, let's get a few things straight:
- Yes - I know that poor people and old ladies clip coupons. You know who else clips them? Stay-at-home moms who have husbands that work 60+ hours per week and don't see their husband's paycheck as anything but a gift that he is giving to his family. A gift that she sees as her duty to stretch as far as she can. That's MY job. We got by just fine before I started using coupons. Now that I have freed up an average of $150-$400/month (the amount is rising each month) in grocery money, we are getting by muchmuchMUCH better. I've already paid for us to go to DisneyWorld this year. A few more months and we'll be staying at the Grand Floridian...and paying in cash.
- No - I am not scamming the stores by getting all of this stuff for free. I am merely taking advantage of advertised sales coupled with promotions by the manufacturer. Your little crack about me wearing my Steelers t-shirt while stealing from the store was neither clever, nor original
- Yes, I am buying 5 diabetes monitors and getting them for free with coupon while getting an additional store credit. And no, I don't have diabetes (not that it is any of your business anyway). But do you know who DOES have diabetes? The people living in the retirement home down the street. No - not the one with the $250,000 entrance fee. The one the OTHER way down the street...you know - the one filled with people just one late Social Security check away from eating dog food? After I leave this store, I'm taking the monitors straight to them...I do it every month...so bite me bitch!
- Have you ever been to this store before? On a Saturday morning? A Tuesday afternoon? Thursday night at 9:00pm? Guess which one is the slowest time for the store and guess which time I have chosen to shop in order to inconvenience the fewest people (hint: I'm typing this Thursday at 11:00pm)? I know that I add an extra 3.67 minutes to my checkout time and I know that extra time can be unbearable when one is trying to get home to watch a marathon of "CSI" reruns. I'd rather piss just one of you off than a whole bunch of you.
- No - this isn't a full-time job for me and yes I do have better things to do. My full-time job is playing with my children and raising them to be good people. This is just the "paperwork" that keeps The Company (my family) well "in the black".
- Ask the cashiers - they know me. I don't get in line until I am completely organized, don't try to use expired coupons, make sure that the product I am buying EXACTLY matches the coupon and don't try to use a third-party check from Nigeria to pay. And if the register makes a mistake or shortchanges me my "bonus bucks", I'm not going to argue with him. I'm going to thank him and go straight to the customer service desk and get out of everyone's way. The same cannot be said for the "casual couponers" that I get behind all the time.
- And as a matter of fact, I am using a gift card from the store, which requires fewer steps to pay than that Visa you have clutched in your hand.
- I don't really care if the clerk hates coupons. He is getting paid to move an item over a screen until the register goes BEE. I'm even bagging my own groceries, even though most people will make him do it. Why should he care if he is scanning a coupon or a pack of Pampers? Can I tell you how many supermarket cashiers have exclaimed "WOW!" as they handed me 6 bags of groceries and I handed them $5?
- And finally, I know that you only eat organic, free-range, grass-fed beef that is lovingly led to slaughter to the sound of Bach, as well as hydroponically grown vegetables (don't want to let our food touch that dirty icky dirt!) and are convinced that I am only feeding my family the highly processed crap for which coupons are readily available. You know what is also available? Coupons for the same stuff you like....and I get that stuff at less than half of what you pay. I've got a pantry full of Cascadian Farms, Amy's Organic and Kashi products that I paid literally next to nothing for. You continue to pay full-price. Who's the fuckwad now?
In conclusion: Get over it. I'm not going to go back to paying full retail just because you have a bug up your ass about an extra 200 seconds.
Sincerely,
Your friendly neighborhood Coupon Queen
(I feel much better now)
Karen
Okay, so do you just buy the paper and do the couponing yourself or are you are part of some service like the "Grocery Game". Inquiring minds want to save money and piss off the neighbors!
[A friend of mine sent me almost the same email yesterday morning. I'll send you a copy of my response to her. But in the meantime, I don't use the Grocery Game, although I have heard that many people find it a wonderful way to get started! I'm borderline-OCD (self-diagnosed), so the whole "get organized and do research" thing is very easy for me. Some people? not so much! - Mindi]
jenefur
You go girl! I haven't had this happen YET, but I know it's coming.
Karen... I do the Grocery Game too with coupons & newspaper, and I am saving a LOT. 🙂
[How are you liking the Grocery Game? I went there when I was first starting out, entered my zip code, and the three stores (smaller chains) closest to me didn't show up! Then again, I live in West Kabumblefuck, so perhaps it is better for larger areas!. And don't worry...if you are couponing the way you should be, sooner or later you'll encounter a bitch like I did! - Mindi]
Darla
Preach it sistah!
[I realized that my rant may come off as if I am antagonistic/jealous of better-off people than me. nothing could be farther from the truth. I love rich people. My grandmother has more money than she can or will spend (mostly from being extremely frugal) and my father-in-law is one of those Retired Oil Executives that everyone hates because they got so much money both while they were working and when they took retirement. I just can't see any reason why I SHOULD pay full-price for things if I don't have to do so. Besides - we don't exactly live in Bel Air and I know that half of the "appearance of being too good to use coupons" is just trying to make others think they have more money than they do...it's a whole "keeping up with the Jones thing". - Mindi]
Duck of Happiness
I think the nasty people are more concerned at having to wait a whole extra minute in line. We've become like one big McDonald's drive-through - in. out. done. People just don't have patience anymore like they used to. If it doesn't happen immediately, the world falls apart! By the way, you'll LOVE the Grand Floridian. And at Disneyworld, lines are up to an hour and a half long. If you see these grocery bitches in line having to wait that long? Just laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh.
[yeah - well people need to slow the fuck down. life is not a race, it's an endurance race! We've been to Disney about 10 times, staying both on & off-property. The last time we went we stayed at the GF and I swore that I would never stay on-property again unless we could stay on the monorail. I can't wait to go again! (The Queen hasn't been there yet! - Mindi]
Pammy Girl
You are my hero! Uptight rich people are the bane of my existence and I LOVE to piss them off.
[it's not uptight RICH people that piss me off...it's just UPTIGHT people. All they make me want to do is slow down to a snails pace! By the way - LOVE the new hair! Is it because you are in California that you went blonde? - Mindi]
daisybug
Whoot! You GO girl!!!
I recommend that you type a condensed version of that out and print it on business cards - not with your name or anything - just small cards - and hand it to her or any of her smug bitch friends the next time you encounter them. I assure you - it would be wildly cathartic!
😀
[you know what would be even more cathartic? Turning around and going verbally medevil on their ass! Let's just hope that I don't encounter another one of them the next time I am PMSing! (although it would make great blog fodder!)- Mindi]
Jessica
::clapclap:: Yes!
[....bowing...I'd like to thank the Academy....- Mindi]
Tara R.
*standing over here* applause, applause.... testify sista!